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Monday, November 14th, 2005
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when do you know things are better? when do you know that what you did was right and justified? i feel good. i feel relieved. as if everything is coming to an end and i can start again. i don't feel bad for making you cry. i feel good. you deserved it. the minute you betrayed by trust, you deserved nothing but feel like shit. i am done with you.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
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| Time: | 3:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  hopeful. |
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i was looking though my purse today. and found a piece of paper...'The time for change is now.'
hung out with nico, coffee, pie, hash browns, cigarettes. too bad i had bad news for him. i guess casey hart is going to columbia too. i'm so sorry:(
i think this is my last post. i have decided to move with maria out to chicago. find a job. come back july 6th. go to china. then college. i am leaving the sunday after graduation. the next day after i get my diploma. everyone's leaving. maybe i should too. i really hate this town.
i realized this...
livejournals are just like diaries. you don't really mean all the shit that you write down. you really don't write the truth in livejournals. because the truth is always something that you keep deep inside.
i am scared. i am relieved. a month to go. i feel bad too, because i'm leaving things here that i want to take with me.
anywho. i will be back around end of june. and then aug. 11. and then leaving for case western aug 22. or hopefully, going to chicago sept. instead of cleveland. i feel remorseful that i will never see some people ever again. but at least i'll be stuck in their memories as the asian girl with broken english/chinese. that makes me happy.:)
ps. if i have anyone's shit. call to get it back 710-6007 or else i'm keeping it
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Ma petite couverture. Je n'ai pas beaucoup à dire, mais ceci. Tout que je peux donner vous êtes mon amour. Néanmoins, vous ne le voulez pas. Ceci est bien. Mais ne pas laisser votre coeur pour lui-même transformer dans le verre, fragile et froid. Vous êtes jeune, vous pouvez prendre les tribulations de vie. Vous devez, ou vous vous transformerez dans la personne amère. Si vous devenez amer, vous ne saurez jamais que la joie est dans l'amour, ou être aimé. Je sais que vous êtes effrayé. Mais être heureux, vous ne devez pas être effrayé. Ceci est tout, ma couverture. J'ai rien vous donner.
you have every right to be selfish and afraid.
(unfortuntely, it is at my expense.)
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 21st, 2005
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| Time: | 6:34 pm. |
| Mood: |  sad. |
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tonight's ji's mime show. steph's going to pick me up. maria kicked her out. ugh. can we say too much drama? haaaaaha. soon i will be far away. there will be less/more bullshit to deal with. i should be happy and enjoy all this pointless shit while i have it. my hair's straight like asian hair should be. it's going to rain very very soon. closed captioned is going to be finished soon. dad's going to be back soon, signing up for case western, writing for scholarship compentition. not too liberal. must be fake. and stupid. and naive! order tickets for china. get peterson visa... god damn it! finals. graduation. graduation party. this is too much. blah. anywho. hopefully i get to visit mike on saturday? but he's too busy. or grumpy. or sick. or something. don't get upset about it. stupid yaya.
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i wish i didn't wake up this morning. opened up my eyes only to find my pillow wet. my dream was to say the least, heart wenchedly disconcerting. and yet, laborious as it was for me to think about it, the more i am paranoid of seeing my dream unfold into reality, or perphaps it is happening as we speak. about myself and the deceitul others. unfortunatly for me, the only way to prevent a war is to keep my mouth shut. and shut it shall remain. my mother was right. some things are better remained lost...
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 10:21 pm. |
| Mood: |  wow. of all things...content. |
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eh. worked 11-4ish. fucked around most of the day. went and got applications from DSW and Fossil. 1/2 price book store, Fashion today, True Cross, dvds/vhs. it felt good. i'm hungry but don't want to move. i'm tired but don't want to sleep. jesus. i'm so indecisive. but that's okay...it's part of my "charm". maria has my cowboy boots. god damn it. and scarf... and...should i start a list like ji? talked to hil today at fossil while she was working. i wish i stayed down here, apparently everyone was here. not there. i was in the wrong place at the wrong time and missed everyone. le sigh. oh well. on a brighter note. yaya's going to prom. oh yeahhhh. it's on bitches! talked to a seamtress, picked up some materials. yum...lime green/gold/pink. tomorrow? well, let's see if i wake up tomorrow and we'll talk.
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PEPE!
don't die. get better. keep lunch box safe. GO TO DOCTOR! get well soon.
-yaya
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Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
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i am, in a realistic manner, a psychotic bitch. i, at times...well most of the times, choose to screw up my life into a pile of bloodly stillborns, immerse my self in it. perhaps i enjoy this ritual, at the expense of others of course and myself. a selfish marytr. can it be that i take pleasure in being unhappy. and wallow in a self-drunken desolate state of melancholy and morose. for this, i am sorry. i know i'm difficult and jump to conclusions easily. unfortunately, my mind fears my heart more than it fears reality. intuition is a bitch. because sometimes, you are right, and others, you're plain out of line. my intuition, like my gay-dar is way off most of the times. certain previous experiences tells me that you are infact underminding me and want to bring me to my demise. true or not. it's hard to trust again. anywho. megan, hil, mike. i'm surprised that you all have took my shit without a second thought. i don't know what to say except a thank you. perhaps work things out. work on myself. work on...
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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| Time: | 10:48 pm. |
| Mood: | hurt. |
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fuck you mike. fuck you for not taking me to prom.
so my date is going to be rob, not that it's a bad thing. we always had fun. but it would be nice to take my boyfriend. actually, it's really girlie shit i know, but this is ridiculous. i don't think i want to be with anyone who can't suck it up and take me to a fucking dance. i'm a girl. i want to get dressed up. look pretty. feel liked? i'm sorry if that's too much to ask. senior year. i want to go to my fucking prom.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 10:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  relaxed. | | Music: | coldplay. |
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Il pleut et il me rend heureux. Ma petite couverture me fait également le sourire. Il fait me heureux.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  it's raining..... |
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stayed home sick. again but i was haluciating last night. woke up this morning, finished my paper. only to discover that my mother took the car. so had to get maria to get my fucking paper to turn it in. congrad. mike on this little secret that i have not told...yet ;) and just went brain dead. Jiyoung called and wanted to plan our graduation party. But we were both watching maury at the same time...a woman cheated on her boyfriend with his sister and a mother is having sex with her daughter's boyfriend. anyways. so she came over, so did hil. UNINVITED! just poking fun. you are welcome to come over anytime honey. one thing let to another, they ate at my house. and went to perkin's after. did alot. ALOT of closed captioned stuff. took lots of pictures for our graduation fliers. everyone will be there. it's going to be a chinese/korean/italian/mexican/japanese/american root beer keg party. it's going to be joy-gasmic. i don't know when it's going to be. but i think i'm going downtown to invite some homeless.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 7:02 pm. |
| Mood: |  nauseated. | | Music: | coldplay/mike singing. |
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Ah. well i received my letter from NYU. and as predicted, i got rejected. living in nyc would be great but, they treat their undergrads. like shit so i suppose it's all for the best. hopefully, chicago will come to its senses and let me in. i hope laurtisen? will write me a bitchass recommendation.
i am sick, my eye is swollen, and my virgina is bleeding. calc. test tomorrow. it can't get any worse...
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 10:37 am. |
| Mood: |  perdu en mer de. |
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Mon coeur est devenu fragile et faible. Incapable de prendre à peu de la vie des coups. Je suis un lâche. non ?
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:41 am. |
| Mood: | sad. |
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al-fucking-right! I FUCKING HATE YOU! Boston University put me on their wait list. GOD DAMN IT! Lousey april fools day. i just want one...ONE good thing to happen to me today. just one. fuck this. looks like i'm not going to china anymore.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, March 31st, 2005
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| Time: | 1:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  the anti-optimist. |
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yes. well. i got wait listed...fucking again.
so.
U of iowa. /accepted but not going
Northeastern U. /accepted want to go but piece of shit financial aid
Case Western Reserve /accepted. most likely i'll go. tution is only $6000
U. of Michigan /waiting list
U. of Chicago / waiting list
Wellesly / denied. which is a good thing because i don't think i'm spelling "Wellesly" right anyways. fucking carpet munchers. god i'm so bitter.
ugh.
i'm waiting for NYU, Colgate, Boston U., and errrr? that's it. i'm not very optimistic right now...i still want to go to china/tibet. but if all my wish list schools keep putting me on wait list...i don't think i can go.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
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apparently, if you drink soy milk absessively, you would produce breasts since there is a huge amount of estrogen in it. mike?
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:02 am. |
| Mood: |  almost died of a heartattack. | | Music: | elliot smith. |
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mike tried to kill me today.
and i almost did.
too bad mike...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, March 24th, 2005
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went up to ames tonight.
Vous me faites heureux et chaud dans la couverture. Et je suis content que vous appréciez mes endroits de cancer. Je regrette que je vous ai égaré de votre Amelie de film, il ne pourrait pas être aidé.
ps. megan left her coat at your place so we're going to make a day trip up to ames on saturday. leave the door open or at least tell tyler or ryan to be on call. DON'T shave your beard. at all expenses. jesus had a beard and so can you. but jesus didn't look good with a beard. he should've had dreads. he could've been cool.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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| Time: | 1:14 am. |
| Mood: | perdu. |
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Je suis allé commercial avec Ji toute la journée aujourd'hui. C'était exactement que j'ai eu besoin de. La séance à La Mie et parlant de mon dernier désordre en haut. Je suis calme se sentant confondu. Je souhaite que les relations ne soient pas si dures à chiffrer ? J'espère que Hilary obtiendra dans insitute d'art de KC mais je sais qu'elle fera. Je suis excité à monter à ames et pends hors avec le Mike ce soir. Oh. et merci pour appeler pour moi me faire me sentir mieux. J'ai regardé Cesser avec Megan ce soir. Elle m'a gardé la compagnie puisque je ne pourrais pas sortir. Alors j'ai regardé Amelie. Je pleure à tout moment je le regarde. C'est un petit tel film heureux. rien se ne spécialise pour rapporter ce soir. Ennuyer et bourre. Mais peterson m'a appelé si Ji, je pense que tout soutient à normal. mais je vraiment veux que les choses à aient été de retour la façon c'est ?
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
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i slipped up. god dman it! i fucked up. jesus. with my neighbour. shit.
me = the dumbest bitch alive. ever.
happier days.
i spent most of my day drawing for mike. and i'd have to say. they are bitching drawings. so you better like them. hung out avec bella and ruben. + doggie. pauls' as usual.
worst days to come.
my father needs to understand that party everynight during springbreak is not going to fuck up my life. it does not mean i'm being childish. what's fucking childish is the fact that he tells me that what i'm doing that makes me happy is making him and my mother uncomfortable. as if their happiness comes before mine. how selfish is that? and i'm acting like a child? i think we should trade parents mike.
so tomorrow. or tonight to be technical, i'm going to stay in. perphaps ji and hil would like to come over and watch movies?
i'm in such a mood. call me up and make me feel pretty again.
ps.
hil. i'm so happy that you're staying at bucca's. this is me :) dance dance.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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yaya1205's journal
worried.
contemplative.
sleepy.